Should you ever find yourself in Turnbridge Wells, beware the man in the top hat and outmoded monocle. He IS not the Monopoly man, despite his good charm and offers of free parking. Don't be fooled by his casual grace. He is a crook and a deviant of the highest order. With his quick feet and a mean set of alligator arms, he's a force to be reckoned with.
The shark sauntered in while my brother and I were devouring bacon rolls (which were delicious) and pints in the darkest corner of the pub. Having spent the past hour frantically calculating the exchange rate, we were exhausted by elemental math and decided to throw caution to the wind. No amount of savings was worth this aggravation. Money is money...right? Fat and drunk is how we expected the evening to end, bank accounts be damned.
Without even so much as a greeting, the scoundrel sidled right into our booth. Several quick platitudes later (which we could barely decipher through his garbled accent...English? Not any English that I've ever heard) and he was ordering food & drink like a man possessed.
As his tab grew exponentially, so did our excitement. Dressed well, affecting a posh accent, and pontificating on his various business ventures, we were all but certain that our tab was paid. His temperament was even relaxed enough to bear the brunt of several jokes about his mangled teeth.
Dear Diary...Jackpot! Our attitudes grew lofty and so did our ordering habits. I'm fairly certain we sampled everything on the menu.
I excused myself to use the water closet as the Monopoly man slipped away from our table, slammed the door, and scampered off into the fog-laden evening. I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure we heard a faint, girlish giggle as the sound of dainty footsteps echoed down the alley.
Inebriated, distended, and lethargic, I approached the bartender to inquire about our bill.
He shrugged, I shrugged... "What was that?" I asked.
He said, "That was £220."
"What about the Monopoly guy? Surely he picked up the tab...what with his dapper attire, wanton ordering style, and his stories of fortune."
The tender replied simply, "No such luck my kind Yankee. Cornwallis' Revenge strikes again."
If you are looking for a pub that's just that little bit more special, and consequently a touch pricey, go to The Beacon. It has long been a favourite of mine for Birthday dinner and drinks. If said Birthday happens to fall in Summer then it's even more perfect as there is a beautiful terrace garden that has the vantage point of being perched on a hill that overlooks the whole of Tunbridge Wells. The perks of this view are not restricted to the Summer Sunset, spending a Bonfire Night at the Beacon is an amazing experience as you look out onto a night sky full of fireworks from the town below.
The building is beautiful, the food splendid and the view grand. I have been with groups of friends and family and never experienced any child phobia. There is a large grassy area, albeit a bit of a slope, if youngsters want to run around, but no play area is provided. It also has its own car park so no worries there for the designated driver.
Absolutely wonderful position, with lovely terraces where you can sit and enjoy the view. Beautiful pub, which has a restaurant and also does bar food. Plenty of space to sit and just have a drink.
Also has rooms for functions, and provides a couple of rooms for accomodation. Very popular at weekends, and a favourite spot in the summer. They do all sort of other things..sunday breakfast I believe, folk nights ..certainly worth a visit if only to admire the view.
Car park can be busy but you can park along tea garden lane.
The grounds are the Old Victorian Tea Gardens which are being restored.
Lovely Views..Humm feel i need something else though, The Beacon seems to dine out on its past glory, the food i find over priced and average, but look at the views.yeah i feel you need something else to excite me. The Lager is poor choice for the lager drinker, maybe the owners prefer bitter? Attended a wedding downstairs a while back and the decor seems a bit deteriorated, and the strange sort of marquee/greenhouse thing lets it down as a classy venue.
There was once a wee tree house that the kids played on but thats fallen apart and the only thing stopping kids climbing it is a bit of tape that does nothing to stop an adventurous child.
Come on Beacon stop living in the past and get up to date.
What a lovely place. Really attractive. Went to see a small gig here on Monday in a side room but the bar/restaurant was comfortable, classy and friendly. Loads of antique radios are on display for some reason or another and they have a popular dining area too. I bet Sunday lunch here would be ace!!! Oh yes, the views. Possibly the best in Kent - they look south to the Weald & are wonderful. Five stars absolutely deserved.
A great place to stop for drinks or diner on the panoramic view terrace. Owners are very friendly. Also consider staying here for a night or 2 if you want to escape from London but don't want to travel 100s of miles. The rooms are very spacious and charming and you'll get that quiet and quaint feel of a great country inn. The grounds are also worth exploring.
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